The Deer Story

brought to you by:  Dave Williams
This page: www.bacomatic.org/~dw/humor/deer.htm
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Last Updated: 16 Jul 2003

Author: Dave Williams; dlwilliams=aristotle=net

This one is from Byte Magazine's BIX online system, circa 1992...

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writers.talk/harry.stine #1274, from dave2, Sun Feb 16 13:42:31 1992
This is a comment to message 1264.
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Aw, heck.

Deer story #193,292,921

I normally worked night shift. One week I was working days while one of the day guys was on vacation. Wednesday I go in and all the crazoids on night shift are already there early, carrying on about the night before. Now, this is all second hand, but I worked with these guys for a year...

Midnight, everyone clocks out, some take off at Warp 5, the rest are sitting around the supervisor's office finishing off what's in the Mr. Coffee. 12:10 David Blaylock comes running back in, waving his arms, carrying on, and generally behaving like an idiot. Blaylock is 6'3", weighs maybe 140 pounds, and generally acts like he's on No-Doz overdrive anyway, so nobody pays him much attention. Finally Dave Phillips (half the night shift was named Dave) decides he'll wander out and see what has Blaylock so excited.

After much gesticulating, raving, hopping up and down, and foaming at the mouth, it appears Blaylock hit a deer just down the road. Since Blaylock is a geek, he grabs a flashlight and runs back down the road looking for the deer. Can't find it. Drat. Jumps back in the truck, starts off. Truck drives funny. Jumps out, looks under the truck. Aha! THERE's the deer! Backs up and drags deer out. Deer is still alive, but sort of broken. So Blaylock picks it up, tosses it back in the truck, and hauls it back to work. When the other Daves wander out into the parking lot, Blaylock is holding its head up and petting it.

Dave B.: "Well, what do we do?"

Dave P.: "What you mean we, white man? You need to kill it. The poor thing is mangled."

Dave B." "Okay, how?"

Phillips hands Blaylock his pocket knife. Blaylock looks at the deer,

Dave B.: "I just can't."

Dave P. "Okay, you hold its head up and I'll do it."

Phillips had dressed out a lot of deer before, but this was the first live one he'd knifed. Unfortunately they went for the jugular, and the deer sprayed. The back of the cab and the bed of the truck were splattered (which I saw the next day) and the Daves were drenched.

About this time one of the Vietnamese guys wandered out. Hein Tran is about five feet tall and sounds like Donald Duck with a thick Vietnamese accent. He wanders up to the crowd, tries to see what's going on, and says, "What's going on?"

Dave and Dave turn around. Blaylock' eyes are showing white all around, they're both covered with blood, and Phillips is holding a bloody Buck knife. Hein goes, "I'm going HOME!", jumps into his car and burns rubber.

I don't think anyone ever managed to fill Hein in on what was going on. He flat didn't want to know.

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